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P.J. Sparxx: A Realization



P.J. Sparxx was one of the first porn actresses that really had a profound effect on my gender identification. In my hormonally-driven teen years, my libido really confused any thoughtsI had on sex and gender. It wasn’t until I matured a bit that things became clearer to me. 

P.J. Sparxx that was the first woman that I clearly understood that I wanted to be her and not just be with her.



While I am no Sigmund Freud, I can say that in my youth I had repressed by bisexuality, my gender identification, and the fact that I had a bunch of rather perverted kinks. In the pre-Internet ear of the 1980s, there wasn’t all that much information about sex and gender – except, perhaps, in porn magazines and most of that was not exactly accurate. It was about the time that I started going online in the mid-1990s did I start making sense of things.

Timing worked well for P.J. since she started in the world of porn only a few years before people started going online to exchange porn. P.J. was stilled consider a fresh faced newcomer, and being petite, pretty, and having a totally animalistic sexuality, she quickly became a favorite in the industry.

I started going online back in the 90s with services like CompuServe, GNN, and Prodigy. There were online chat rooms and it was in those chat rooms that I found out about what today we would call “transgender resources.” I did a lot of reading in these resources and started to understand a bit more about myself. One of those things that I came to understand is that sex and gender are not the same. Another one of those things I came to understand is that having different gender identity and being kinky are really independent of one another. Yea, this all seems kind of obvious these days, but back then when I was a young adult, it was eye-opening for me.

Like so many of us online, I did my share of downloading porn. I hit the motherload of porn when I discovered newsgroups like alt.binaries.pictures.erotica. Of course, there were pictures of P.J. Sparxx. 

It was when I was checking out a set of pictures of P.J. Sparxx that something finally clicked in me: I wanted to be her. Yes, she was pretty and since I am attracted to both men and women, I would have loved to have had sex with her, but I realized that my desire to be in her place was stronger than any lust I might have for her. It was clear to me that being her wasn’t due to me being attracted to the handsome, well hung men that she performed with. It was being a woman and enjoying being a women performing with those handsome, well hung men.




 


I started following P.J.’s career. I found out that she started her adult film career in 1990 and appeared in over 200 films under various names including P.J. Kerrington, P.J. Sparx, and Porsche Red. 



Although she performed in a lot of straight scenes, it was lesbian performances that garnered lots of attention. It was a lesbian scene from “Cellar Dwellers 2” in which she won the 1998 AVN Award for Best All-Girl Sex Scene along with Jeanna Fine and Tricia Devereaux. P.J. was also inducted in the AVN Hall of Fame.

 

 



Not surprisingly, P.J. also did a fair amount of stripping. For a while, she was the real-life girlfriend of porn actress Jill Kelly, and the two danced together in an act called “Fire and Ice.” P.J. and Jill even produced a movie for Wicked Pictures about their dance antics called Fire & Ice: Caught In The Act. 


As the AIDS epidemic spread, P.J. became increasingly concerned about health risks and started turning down bareback scenes in favor of more lesbian and bondage performances. By 1999, P.J. Sparxx left the industry






Even though P.J. Sparxx has been out of the business for many years, I still think about her from time-to-time. She changed my life. She helped me move away from a confusing life of denial and repression and start a journey of self discovery. 

Thank you, P.J.

















Here are some videos with P.J.






















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